100% stone

being immersed in all of the world cup madness for an entire month, i picked up a few bad habits that have been hard to shake off. seeing stonehenge just brought out the rage. this one's for zizou!

but alas, my days in jolly old england are coming to an end, and i figure it is time to start exploring this place a little more. so a couple of weeks ago i hit the finals of the british open and saw tiger win, then last week, inspired by Chevy Chase in European Vacation, it was off for some tourism: a drive through the countryside and a stop at stonehenge and the white horse.

i must say, british tourism is ...uh, typically british--dry and not too exciting. seeing it all is a bit anticlimactic. there's no point going to stonehenge, because when you get there you have to stand 50 feet away, so you can't even see all the detail. you do, however, get a free audio tour to guide you through--woo hoo. right... like i want to hear some guy speaking 10 words a minute describe details i can hardly see even though i am standing right at the site. and the white horse... well, it's a drawing of a horse, in white, in the grass. oh, and you can't see it all unless you are in an airplane. they forget to mention that part in the brochure.

nonetheless, the adventure was quite fun, mainly because of the drive, and monkey see and monkey do siting in the backseat. our drive was picturesque, as we drove through tiny villages that were just as we'd imagined them to look. on our drive we also saw some quite unusual things you may not see every day. as we left stonehenge and turned onto the country road, the first thing we see is Stonehenge Golf Range. i don't know why this struck me as odd... but it did.

then we enter the narrow, curvy country road, and the first sign we see reads: 'caution: tank crossing' (with a pic of a tank... in case anyone was unsure of what a large tank would look like on a small country road) ...ok, now things are getting a bit odd.

then we pass through a few provincial villages... which were quite surreal as they fit all of the stereotypes we had held. and then as we pull up to the hill where the white horse is, we see another sign: 'beware of crossing ducks' (with a pic of a little yellow duck). there are just way too many things wrong with that sign. why would anyone let ducks cross the street? give the cars a bridge and put a fence around the street so the ducks cannot cross. it is that hard? poor duckies. who is going to see a little duck crossing the street as they drive through in their SUV, all in time for the driver to stop the car and save the duck's life?? i feel like that crossing may be the duck murder capital of the world.

love can move mountains, i can move rocks

bond girl wanted

i could hardly sleep last night because of all the loud thunder. so i used my insomnia to discover more brainless entertainment on the internet, and i came across this website with all kinds of quizes (www.quizfarm.com). one quiz in particular caught my eye: "Which Action Hero Would You Be?"

excellent, this would be the moment i could finally expose my true identity. and the results were not surprising. who am i? with 100% certainty, i am 007--Bond. here is what the website said:

"You scored as James Bond, Agent 007. James Bond is MI6's best agent, a suave, sophisticated super spy with charm, cunning, and a license's to kill. He doesn't care about rules or regulations and somewhat amoral. He does care about saving humanity though, as well as the beautiful women who fill his world. Bond has expensive tastes, a wide knowledge of many subjects, and his usually armed with a clever gadget and an appropriate one-liner."

wow, this really is me.

James Bond, Agent 007		100%
William Wallace		63%
El Zorro		63%
Maximus		58%
Batman, the Dark Knight		54%
Neo, the "One"		54%
Lara Croft		50%
Captain Jack Sparrow		50%
Indiana Jones		50%
The Amazing Spider-Man		42%
The Terminator		33%

this is sciene, and science has spoken to prove what i have always known deep down inside. the only part i am a bit confused about is how Lara Croft came up on the list. anyhow, nevermind that glitch in the system. now i just gotta find myself a bond girl. Xenia Onatopp-Shaikley... it has a nice ring to it, no?

wimbleDONE

well, cross another item off the 'gotta do it in my lifetime' list. last week i went to wimbledon and watched some great matches. it was a nice atmosphere and it lived up to a lot of the hype, and on top of all that, i also got to cross another thing off the lifetime achievement list on that day: sit close enough to the chair umpire to figure out what the tennis players are saying to him when they get pissed. am i the only one who has been wishing that they would leave the mic on the umpire's chair turned on when the players go to argue, vent, curse or praise the call? well, point is that i got the best seat in the house for the match between nalbandian and verdasco, first row, center, and right behind the umpire.

it was a tense match that went to tie breaks for the first two sets. tempers were high and words were being directed to the umpire... all kinds of words... in english and spanish!

needless to say, after hearing all of the comments made by the players--especially by nalbandian--i now agree with the wisdom of not leaving the umpire's mic turned on! haha... my spanish is a bit rusty these days, but i believe one of nalbandian's diatribes went as follows: la *$&@! es una *#&*@^! grande *!@*#& la pelota $^@#! afuera @&#! y tu madre $&!*@ yo quiero taco bell @!%*&!!! and that was on a point he won. and i'm not sure about the taco bell thing... i was a bit hungry so i may have been hearing things.

(random pic i took of federer -- note the old school, 1980's Nike Air shirt he is sporting. this is why the man is so money!)

so now it's time to work on crossing more items off the list, which include things like:
- score a hole-in-one in golf
- buy a ferrari
- get a job
- break the 1,000,000 frequent flyer miles mark before age 30
- delay marriage for a couple more years

...and a bunch of others. i'll update as i continue to cross things off.

the not-so-perfect storm

punting: a springtime phenomenon in Oxford; a small boat you push with a long stick.

that's about all there is to it. yet somehow punting is one of those Oxford traditions... and one of those 'must do' things in this town. so i tried it. and i'll admit, it's actually as exciting as it sounds--a small boat that you push with a long stick.

my policy on boats has been and will always be the following: today we have motor power technology, so there is no more need for human power to propel a boat, just like there is no need for a flinstone-like car propelled by our running feet. times have changed my friend. if there is no engine on the boat, i'm not getting in.

but... last week i decided to overlook my policy for the sake of engaging in tradition, along with some friends. the company was great, and although the pushing the boat with a long stick at 1.5 miles per hour (if not slower) was a tad anti-climactic, it was a beautiful day and the scenery was quite nice. ducks were following us around, children were playing cricket, all was good. or was it?!?!?! (as creepy music beings playing in the background)........

and then it all changed. i took control of the punt for our the last leg of our journey. we noticed dark clouds coming into the horizion and a very light sprinkle of rain began falling upon us, but we could see the boat house, so we were all excited to have made it back unscathed by Oxford's tempermental weather. but then it happened... this was our titanic. we were too close to the banks and apparently i must have gone over a rock or something... but we were stuck. and at that exact moment, THE STORM hit. think i am beng too dramatic? get this...

now, i have seen a lot of storms in my life, but try to tell me this is not fate--or God just adding to my adventures in the OX. at that moment the skies opened up. there was thunder and lightning (did i mention i was holding a 20 foot metal pole) and HAIL (did i mention that it is mid-may!! and weather has been in the 70s) and pouring rain. pouring. so here we are, stuck, stranded and enjoying a downpour of biblical proportion.

so the story goes on. at first we all freak out (well, a certain one of us more than the rest), but then we just start laughing hysterically. in fact, the laughter is probably what dislodged the punt. we eventually make it back, completely drenched. and to add to the irony... the minute we all get into the car, the rain stops. done. dry, blue skies.

my love-hate relationship with Oxford continues. where will the adventures lead me next?? stay tuned...

bowling for concubine

so a lot has changed since i last posted. the UK got this new thing called 'the sun'. exotic, i know. apparently it makes otherwise unfriendly people friendly and happy again. it's great. i wish someone thought of this earlier.

yes, life is different out here in the spring. we spend our days frolicking about in the grassy meadows, playing a lot of golf, and playing croquet. ya... i play croquet. but i really suck at it, even though i cheat. yazeed is actually the croquet grand champion. don't ask me where a saudi learned how to play croquet. last i checked the only game they had out there was pin the beard on the shaikh, and bowling... for concubine. (something about saudi arabia + sports made me thing of the clever title, so i had to fit it in somewhere)

springtime in the OX! i can't lie, it's quite nice. and it really is a different place. the first day this 'sun' came out, i was completely taken aback by how friendly people were. and even though it was sunny but still cold, restaurants and cafes were doing all they could to put as much seating outside as possible. the starbucks i was at even had patio furniture out. not like some wooden chairs and a table with a little, purposeless umbrella. i mean patio furniture--some of those big patio sofas and arm chairs, nice wooden coffee tables, the whole package. it was 50 degrees outside, but that hint of sunshine... 'sunshine'... was enough.

well that's all i've got for my blog (or 'boggle' if you are yasmine or live in a cave in kazakhistan) for now.

moustache, part deux!

finals are back, as is the fancy outfit... and the moustache!

i like to call it: Portait of the future 3rd world dictator... as a young man. no, not one of James Joyce's lesser known works, but rather the making of a leader. you know how the process works... first they start off at an elite western educational institution (check, check, check, check), then they grow the 'stache (check), then they buy a pair of aviators (check), then they go straight to the top, by whatever mean necessary (workin' on it).

it's on like monkey kong baby! hate the 'stache, not the player.

mind the queue

i've been in the UK for 172 days now (not like i'm counting or anything)... and i have one observation to report: there are queues everywhere for everything. things in the UK are notoriously inefficient. phone lines, dsl connections, bank accounts--just about anything--take 3 weeks to get setup. reflecting on the differences in work ethic and efficiency, as my boy Ioannis put it: "[expletive deleted] look, in greece man, we work just 2 hours a day, but we [expletive deleted] WORK for those two hours. here, they say they work 8 hours, but they don't do a [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] thing!! (i told him, yes i understand... in the middle east it's like greece, except we don't even work for those 2 hours)

anyhow, as i was saying... bloody queues! ok, so forget the lazy workers. there is a long wait for everything here. maybe i am just an impatient american, but i have not seen one ATM machine without a line. it's insane. if you are in the city and you pass by an ATM, there are at least 3-4 people waiting, always. go to the gas station and there will be a line of 2 or 3 cars waiting for each pump. if you go to a grocery store, a coffee shop, or wherever else, there is always a long line. and people here just deal with it and wait patiently. so you would think that the british must be a patient people to be able to endure this constant queuing, right?

au contraire my good friend, for as with all my tales, there's a twist.

there is one place where there is no queue... and it's the single most important place to queue: the frickin' crosswalk! what do i mean? well, have you ever seen a green light for cross traffic and a green 'walk' sign for pedestrians both on at the same time? intersecting!

at first i thought i was imagining things. then, after it happened to me a few times and at different intersections, i realized that it is either a sick death trap, or the epitome or stupidity and impatience. the cross traffic stops, and the green 'walk' sign lights up for the pedestrians. then after about 10 seconds, the cross traffic gets a green light, while the crosswalk still says 'walk'! i so wish i was making this up, but this is far too nutty and illogical. i'd expect this kind of thing in, say, egypt, where their idea of civic planning is not having any left turns anywhere in the country (another thing i wish i was making up, but it's true, just go see... only U-turns).

oh well, fun times.... as long as i don't get run over.

who's your daddy?

it has been some time since i have posted on my blog. but once it reaches the point that even sedi wants to read more, then it's time to write. side note: for those of you who have no idea who sedi is, consider yourself blessed.

anyhow, back to writing. so i actually have quite a few things i'd like to write about, but with exams around the corner, i have actually been quite busy (rare, i know). therefore, exams are on my mind and are the topic of this post... well, kinda. you see, the more time i spend at oxford, the more i realize the attitude with which elite british institutions like oxford see themselves, and i see this clearly demostrated in the peculiar grading system.

first off, exams and final papers are graded by "the examiners" -- no one has ever told us who these people are, and professors and administrators just keep referring to "the examiners." it actually begins to sound a bit creepy the more a hear it... and when i turn my head and see yet another gargoyle giving me a dirty look, my feelings are confirmed.

and then there's the grading scale. so what happens if you do an assigment perfectly and get an A? you get a 100%, right? nope, not here mate. try 75%... because here you can never be good enough. and even if you are, we won't let you think that you are. in fact, A's here are in the ballpark of 65-70%, and B's go down to about 50%. and below 50%, you fail. cheers!

hence, the title of this post: who's your daddy? it's oxford, it's tradition, it's the patronizing system, it's the man... biyatch.

califreakinfornia!

"i love united states of freedom"... timeless words uttered by a hollywood iraqi villian (in a role that my brother auditioned for and almost got, in fact!). but enough about shady iraqi security officers. i'll save politics for another forum. this post is about happier things, brighter things--bright like the california sun.

yes, california. califreakinfornia! this valentines day, california was my valentine. ya, i know... pretty sad confession, but it's true. it's the best place in the world... and my time has come to chart the path for my return. i only know one season: summer. i only know one smile: botox-induced. i only know one mode of transportation: by car, in traffic, and on a freeway... the way travel was meant to be.

take me back baby!